Back to Work

I’m two days in to being an ‘official’ working mom. I’m so thankful for my company allowing me to take 16 weeks maternity leave {awesome, right?}. Where & how did that time pass so quick? I’m back to the same work where so much is the same & so much different.

Although I swear I’ve been working just as hard if not harder in these last four months. But that’s another story & discussion & drama.I’m don’t and am now trying to go there. Just safe to say that being a SAHM is crazy hard with two babies. I was always multitasking & sometimes feeling like I was doing it all just half way. Trying to put the babies & their needs first & the households last. With mine & my husband’s hopefully in the mix somewhere. Start the dishes but not able to unload. Start laundry & hope someone not holding a baby can throw them in the dryer. Hold a baby & blogging {what, you’ve done that right?!}. I haven’t been caught up on cooking {even just having time to heat up frozen meals was tough}, cleaning {ha!}, laundry since May 7^th {hell, more like Oct 22 when I got that BFP!}.

Being a SAHM just wasn’t in the cards for me. My pay & benefits will better serve my family than me being at home {even factoring in ridiculously expensive daycare times two}. I need, crave really, time with other adults. Exercising my brain in ways other than just babies & our house. I even was looking forward to getting back in a cubicle.

So here I sit. In that cube, overhearing conversations all around me, multitasking still, but with phone calls, work emails, & paper work.

But the difference between the working girl who last sat in this chair May 7^th & the one who arrived yesterday morning is grand. Now there are baby photos on my desktop. I rush off twice a day to a nursing mothers’ room to pump milk to get them through the next day. Most of my conversations revolve around Zach & Lucy {yes, I’m that new bragging mom}. My heart is fuller & pulled to a certain two babes resting & playing at home this week with my mother- & sister-in-law. I stare at the clock wishing for 5 o’clock more than I’ve ever known.

And I drive too fast home to their happy faces. I’m pretty sure I gave both a days’ worth of kisses in six hours last night. Holding & hugging them tight. & so thankful for our time together nursing {I couldn’t take my eyes away from theirs}.

Last night, I let the oven stay empty & we picked up take out instead. I couldn’t put down L or Z for long enough to cook. I waited until after they were in bed to wash bottles, to get ready for the next day by packing up my pumping bag & my lunch. I went to bed just before midnight. Feeling like a mom, a working mom. And I loved it.