As I was writing my drugs post, I’d written this on the end. Then I kept writing & realized it as a post of its own.

I’m not one to hide. I talk through my feelings & fears. IF is kinda different. It’s weird to have all most of your private bedroom events on a chart. It’s weird for people to know you’re having sex with a purpose. But I get comfort in talking about it. For a while, I’ve felt like I have an online IF self {probably the real me} then a “normal” life me. The two Suz’s are merging & I like it.

I’ve been “coming out” as an infertile in the last weeks. I told my small group a couple weeks ago. It was so refreshing. They were so supportive.

I posted this on Facebook Thursday night. Infertility is a heart-wrenching, faith-questioning, relationship-testing, life-altering experience. April is Infertility Awareness Month. Whether a friend, a family member, a colleague or yourself has fought through this difficult fate that MILLIONS of couples are fighting day in and day out. Post this as your status if you or someone you know has struggled at a chance to be a parent.” 10+ likes later from all kinds of women in my life. Ones I had no idea had been impacted by IF. Yep, coming out feels good.

I told my boss on Tuesday. She thought I was coming to tell her I was pregnant. #fail But she was really sweet & understanding and asked me how I was doing after the appointment Wednesday. I’m glad she knows.

I’m pretty to very close with my parents. I’ve filled my parents, especially my mom, in on the steps of our TTC. But since we’ve been going to the RE, she hasn’t asked too many questions. If you know my inquisitive mom, then you’d know that’s weird. It’d made me almost uncomfortable. Well last night we talked for a while & she asked all the right questions & said all the right things. It was like this invisible weight that I didn’t really know was there has been lifted with her words. Conversations ending with “I love you & I’m praying for you” really mean so much.

IF sucks. I really wish we weren’t going through this. BUT I’ve learned a lot about myself. Just how much I can handle then add more, I got it. Friends have stepped up {& stepped out about their own IF}. Coming out is good.