Potentially my Last Pregnant Day

Later today I’ll do a 34 week update, but I feel like there’s more to be said than answering those weekly update questions.

I’ve been pregnant for 34 weeks. Some bittersweet, but mostly happy weeks. Weeks filled with new bliss at being pregnant; what couldve been called naive faith that our triplet pregnancy would be a smooth one; being rocked when we lost Baby B; adjusting to a pregnancy with two growing babies; slowly getting used to & even saying ‘I’m having twins’; then ending with almost two weeks on hospital bedrest.

The ‘twins’ word hasn’t come out of my lips easy. But it’s what the world already does & will think when they see Zach & Lucy. I’m not one to focus on loss. To pull down myself & others by choosing to only see what’s missing instead if the gifts God has given us. So in that light, I’ve added ‘twins’ to my vocabulary where there was once ‘triplets’. I’ve even purchased a TW INS onesie for them to wear when they’re big enough. I’m looking forward to that photo op.

But tomorrow, I’m going to give birth to all three of my babies. And I’m so excited. And a little scared. And nervous at what my reaction to Baby B will be. Should we have named her? Made other plans for post-birth? I’m standing now by the decisions Jason & I have made. Made for us & for Zach & Lucy.

I have loved being pregnant. Every moment. Every ultrasound. Every kick, punch & head butt to the vag or ribs. Every bit of food to add close to 50 pounds in order to make them as big as possible. Every second of the last two weeks of bedrest. I will honestly miss the big belly. I’ll miss wearing the cute maternity clothes (but don’t think I’ll be giving them up for a few months)!

Today I’m rubbing on extra belly lotion & taking it pretty easy. Enjoying time with family & babies’ belly attention before the big day tomorrow.

8 comments

  1. LauraC says:

    You will always be a triplet mama to me!
    Good luck tomorrow, wishing you lots of strength and happiness. I can’t wait to hear about the first time you kiss those sweet babies’ faces!

  2. Your attitude is so beautiful. I still grieve for the twin sisters I will never know. They were born too early to live, and they were born and died 13 years before my birth.

    The minute my HPT turned positive, I felt that I already had a baby, and I fell in love with that baby. 10 cells, tadpole or avocado-sized fetus, I am this baby’s mother. I am certain that I would feel the same way about triplets, even if the rest of the world saw twins. I love that you are so strong and brave, but that you aren’t afraid to talk about your grief.

  3. Suzanne says:

    So excited for you Suz! Best of luck tomorrow and lots of good thoughts and prayers for you!

  4. kassie says:

    Good luck tomorrow! I’m hoping for some good strong lungs on those little ones! :)

  5. Jennifer G. says:

    Good luck tomorrow! Praying for healthy babies! Even though you will only have 2 babies at home, you conceived and carried 3 heartbeats for a short 16 weeks. You will always be a triplet mother even if the world sees it different. Everyone grieves differently. Some mothers have no issue calling their surviving triplets “twins” other cringe at the word that brings so much joy to other “twin” moms. My son died when he was 6 months old in the NICU. I refer to my pregnancy as the triplets, but don’t refer to my survivors as triplets or twins. They are almost 3 and they are simply “the babies” or “the boys” when asked if they are twins I ususally say yes to avoid a long drawn out story. You do what is best for you. Good Luck I will be prayig for you!

  6. Crysi says:

    Good luck tomorrow. Can’t wait to see pictures & hear more.

  7. Melissa says:

    best wishes for a safe and quick delivery!
    even the littlest of babies matter to the simple heart of a mother, Baby B will always be your baby.

  8. [...] right before pPROM’d the following day. I made it on bedrest to 34 weeks & shared my thoughts on my last pregnant days. Zach arrived at 2:59a May 21st & Lucy followed almost 8.5 hours [...]

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