I sat cautiously in my RE’s waiting room this morning listening for my name to be called then to be taken back to that familiar small room. Undressed from the waist down, I held my breath a bit as the ultrasound wand was inserted. By this point in our infertility journey, I too can read the baseline ultrasound & see full lining, my left ovary MIA, & my right ovary {the active one for cycle 21} still looking very active. There was a large blob in the center with three smaller cysts? on its left. The tech had me get dressed while she tried to find a doctor. The doctors were all busy, so she suggested I get blood work done to rules things out. Things meaning pregnacy &/or cysts. My emotions of possible elelation & sadness held in check because I didn’t know.

I sat with hands out for the blood work nurse. My heart raced as she poked & proded my veins. I regretted not drinking all my water bottle on the way over as I saw my blood very slowly dripping out. Next thing I saw were spots then stars. I heard voices, but they sounded very far away as I’m told I’m pale. Then loud voices were telling me to put my head between my knees after I announced I might throw up. A few minutes later {I can’t be sure how long}, I’m slowly walked & layed down in an empty exam room, given cool cloths & juice to keep the sweat & shakes at bay.

All I could say & think was I’m sorry & so embarrassed as the time ticked by. Finally, I felt ok enough to sit up then I leaned over to text my husband & coworkers that I’m going to be even later. I made it to work but still felt slightly shaky. Time, more water & lunch out with coworkers left me finally feeling almost like myself.

Except that I knew a phone call that would change my day awaited. That phone call just arrived. Sweet Megan advised me that while that the pregnancy test was negative, my estrogen & progesterone levels were very normal for the beginning of a new cycle.  This is what I expected. I’d even gone so far to think if the pregnancy test was negative then hopefully the other levels were fine {if not then cycle 22 would be another bust}.

With a sad, but once again hopeful, heart I will begin taking those powerful little pills tomorrow night. My unwelcomed guest, AF, & her cycle 22 has arrived.