Daring Greatly by Brene Brown was a bit tough for me.
I’m used to fiction. Where I can almost skim pages while also watching TV, care for babies, nursing or pumping at work. Where I can escape in the flow of words on a page.
But Brene Brown’s non-fiction, I guess really a self-help book, required thought. It’s not just because she’s covering a lot of research topics but because it takes what you think you know or think about everyday relationships & interactions and forces you to explore within yourself. I couldn’t skim words because then I’d miss a main point. I didn’t want to miss anything.
Daring Greatly refers to really putting yourself out there. Your real open-for-all-to-see-you-naked self. Being Wholehearted & vulnerable. I learned how it really takes courage & hard work to shake off the layers we use to protect ourselves, to fight off using shame to keep relationships at bay, to be vulnerable.
As a college sociology major, I related to her research & discussion on how men & women view shame, relationships/sex & vulnerability differently. There were so many places in the book where I was nodding along, mentally going ‘yes, I’ve done that, seen friends do that, my husband act that way & I now more clearly see why’.
Daring Greatly isn’t an easy read, but it’s a book I think I’ll hold on to. That I’ll pick up again as the babies get older & I need to more clearly show them that being a truely strong, healthy little example of feminine & masculine doesn’t mean to follow the definitions socity has created, but instead for them to be open & vulnerbale & real. God, I hope I can live up to that task.
Feel free to read more about Daring Greatly & join in the discussion at the BlogHer Book Club page.
This is a paid review for BlogHer Book CLub but the opinions expressed are my own.
Husband’s sister was up last week taking care of the babies (thank you F!). She had made her crockpot mac n cheese for us when she was here visiting earlier in the summer. Lucky for me {& you}, she gave me the recipe this time. I was able to get a minute or 10 yesterday & throw this together. Perfect with frozen chicken tenders & canned lima beans. {hey, I have twin babies & I cooked!!}
Ingredients
16oz box of macaroni {cooked & drained}
1 can evaporated milk
2 eggs {beaten}
1/4 c butter
2 c milk
2 tsp cooking oil
salt & pepper to taste
3 c shredded cheddar cheese
Spray crockpot with Pam. Combine first 8 ingredients {I used used the same pot the noodles had cooked in}.
Pour mixture in crockpot. Sprinkle cheese on top.
say it with me, cheeeeese!!!
Cover & cook on low for 2 1/2 to 3 hours.
Stir before serving. This makes a lot, so enjoy for a cook out or pot luck or just your family!
I’ve been holding off writing this post until I’d used both pumps for a while. I purchased my Freestyle at the end of July. I began using it exclusively a couple weeks ago.
After speaking with other moms of multiples who had successfully & unsuccessfully breastfed, I decided to rent the Symphony for three months {at the cost of $180 by the way}. I spoke with a couple LCs before I delivered, & they too strongly recommended that pump to establish milk supply for NICU babies. I’ll never know otherwise, but I feel that the Symphony, & my consistent contact with it, helped get my supply in order for feeding two.
Five day old baby Zach in Jason’s arms with the-thankfully–ever-present-in-NICU Symphony in the background.
The Symphony is big & heavy. The hospital had it on it’s own rolly cart which worked well to move it around the NICU {seen above}. It’s quiet though for the size – the motor barely hums & there’s pretty much no vibration. The sucking timing with the Symphony seemed in line with what my babies do.
The parts used on the Symphony are the exact same ones as all the other Medela pumps, except for the tubing. I was fortunate that the NICU LC gave me parts & my hospital room nurse did too. Be sure to ask for parts in the hospital – it’ll save you $50. It was nice too that I then had back up parts, so we didn’t have to wash constantly. I do go by the rule of thumb that it’s okay to place the pump parts in the fridge during the day or night & just wash them every 12 hours or so.
I started out pumping every 3 hours around the clock with the Symphony for 15 minutes at a time. The NICU LC told me it was okay to go a 4 hour stretch at night, so I could sleep a little more {this was before they were home}. Once the babies were breastfeeding, I jumped my pumping scheduled onto their NICU feeding schedule. I’d feed them every 4 hours then pump afterwards. My output was typically about an oz on each side after feeding both. If I pumped without feeding them, I would typically pump 5 oz on the right & 6 or more oz on the left.
Now let’s chat about the Freestyle. It’s the most expensive of the portable Medela pumps {was $299 at Target}. I did my research again though & felt like for my life~ work schedule, travel plans, two babies~ the Freestyle would be better than the more well known Pump in Styles.
For one, the entire pump fits in my palm & is fairly light weight. It’s a double pump, but the tubing is made so that you can change the connection and pump one at a time if needed. It can clip onto your pants aka you’re not tied to a big heavy pump. I would be unable to cart the Symphony back & forth with me to work while carrying the Freestyle up from the parking lot, up & down flights of stairs & holding it while pumping is a breeze.
The Freestyle has a rechargeable battery which makes the pump portable. This has been great for over-night pumping. I can pump in the nursery while putting the paci back in Zach’s mouth. Or pump in the kitchen under the light when the rest of the house is sleeping in the dark. Or like this morning, pump in the kitchen before work while eating cereal & packing up bottles for daycare.
The Freestyle is fairly loud in a white noise kind of way. The pumping motor is pretty noticeable. The sucking seems to be a little longer & slower than my two do.
The Freestyle requires it’s own pump parts. The tubing is different, the connectors are very different & comprised of 3 parts {you can buy extras of them though & I did}. You can use the flanges from other Medela models even though the Freestyle comes with different {softer plastic} flanges.
And you’re wondering about my output… That’s the main thing, right? I was worried too. So much so that my husband offered for us to continue to pay for us to rent the Symphony. But I’ve been happy to say that I don’t see much of a difference there. Now that I’m back to work, the day pumping has been on the lower end of my normal ~ about 3-4 oz on the right & 6 oz on the left. Overnight, I get the same as I had with the Symphony.
But the time it takes to produce the same amount is longer. Instead of 15 minute sessions with the last 3-5 minutes being empty pumping, I now pump mostly between 18-22 minutes before I get empty pumping. That’s the biggest difference I’ve noticed.
I think the Symphony did great to get my supply established, but that’s not to say that the Freestyle couldn’t have done that. I don’t know since that’s not my experience. But I will say that I’ve been happy with my decisions & have no real complaints so far with my switch.
I’m two days in to being an ‘official’ working mom. I’m so thankful for my company allowing me to take 16 weeks maternity leave {awesome, right?}. Where & how did that time pass so quick? I’m back to the same work where so much is the same & so much different.
Although I swear I’ve been working just as hard if not harder in these last four months. But that’s another story & discussion & drama.I’m don’t and am now trying to go there. Just safe to say that being a SAHM is crazy hard with two babies. I was always multitasking & sometimes feeling like I was doing it all just half way. Trying to put the babies & their needs first & the households last. With mine & my husband’s hopefully in the mix somewhere. Start the dishes but not able to unload. Start laundry & hope someone not holding a baby can throw them in the dryer. Hold a baby & blogging {what, you’ve done that right?!}. I haven’t been caught up on cooking {even just having time to heat up frozen meals was tough}, cleaning {ha!}, laundry since May 7th {hell, more like Oct 22 when I got that BFP!}.
Being a SAHM just wasn’t in the cards for me. My pay & benefits will better serve my family than me being at home {even factoring in ridiculously expensive daycare times two}. I need, crave really, time with other adults. Exercising my brain in ways other than just babies & our house. I even was looking forward to getting back in a cubicle.
So here I sit. In that cube, overhearing conversations all around me, multitasking still, but with phone calls, work emails, & paper work.
But the difference between the working girl who last sat in this chair May 7th & the one who arrived yesterday morning is grand. Now there are baby photos on my desktop. I rush off twice a day to a nursing mothers’ room to pump milk to get them through the next day. Most of my conversations revolve around Zach & Lucy {yes, I’m that new bragging mom}. My heart is fuller & pulled to a certain two babes resting & playing at home this week with my mother- & sister-in-law. I stare at the clock wishing for 5 o’clock more than I’ve ever known.
And I drive too fast home to their happy faces. I’m pretty sure I gave both a days’ worth of kisses in six hours last night. Holding & hugging them tight. & so thankful for our time together nursing {I couldn’t take my eyes away from theirs}.
Last night, I let the oven stay empty & we picked up take out instead. I couldn’t put down L or Z for long enough to cook. I waited until after they were in bed to wash bottles, to get ready for the next day by packing up my pumping bag & my lunch. I went to bed just before midnight. Feeling like a mom, a working mom. And I loved it.
The mom jeans, mom unwashed ponytailed hair, mom under belly chub. The breastfeeding mom tank tops. Mom van. Mom black undereye circles. Check. Check. Check. I have all of the above.
And I’m embracing them. Loving them for now. Because I worked really damn hard earning the ‘mom’ title.
While its tough & people {including myself on the hard days} complain, it’s worth it. So for now, I’m pulling my mom pants up a lil higher, & smiling, because these two {when they
can talk} call me Mom.
{Post written & photos taken Thursday during the babies first half day trial at daycare.}
