It’s been a while since I shared much of a status on the kiddos. I share so much with photos & updates on FB & IG that this page gets a little dusty sometimes. But since y’all have been here with me since the very beginning figured I’d share what’s going on.

Let me preface this saying that Lucy is “fine”. We are confident in our pediatrician as well as pediatric cardiologist & trust what they’ve assured us. I KNOW, oh Lord how my heart hurts just thinking about children, my friends children, who have had literal heart break, that this could be oh so much worse. I am not trying to diminish that. But I’m still processing & this is how I process.

So a rewind. Tuesday week ago, Lucy & Zach had their 5yr old check up. We saw one of the main doctors in the practice, one we’ve seen before & that I’d always liked. Height & weight great (44″ & 48lb for L & 43″ & 43lb for Z). Hearing good. Eye sight good. Urine & bloodwork sample good. They passed their can you balance, say numbers, letters “test” fine.

Dr looked at eyes, ears, throat (check, check, check) & listened to their lungs & heart. At their hearts, he had them sit up & lay down & then later in the appointment listened again. I was kinda thinking hmmm? But also wrangling two keyed up 5y olds who’d just heard & realized they were each getting 4 shots, so I was a bit distracted.

After all was said & done, Dr told us that he heard murmurs in both their hearts, more severe in Lucy. And that he wanted us to take them to a pediatric cardiologist this summer. I was shocked. All their Dr appointments over last 5yrs & we were just hearing about this. He advise as hearts grow, things can change. He felt like it could be nothing, but that he recommended seeing a specialist.

They were a bit of a mess from four shots each & I was a bit of a mess stressing over “heart murmurs”, so we stayed home last Wednesday. I still have not googled it as I don’t want to know.

(We stayed in bed watching Netflix for way longer than usually acceptable still-in-bed time. But they were dressed though!)

Pediatric cardiologist office actually called Wed after they received the referral so I was glad I had time to take their call & make appointments. Lucy’s appointment was 6/13. (& Zach’s will be 6/26 & I’ll do an update post on his afterwards.)

So back story done. Here’s synopsis of Lucy’s appointment.

They took us back quick; did basic height/weight then showed us to our room. There Lucy put on a gown & had an EKG done of her heart. The nurse was amazing. Chatted & had Lucy happy & giggling then taught her how to be a statue for the testing.

Next the Dr & a training Dr came & listened to her heart. She told us they could hear 3 different murmurs but not to be alarmed that they’re “normal murmurs of childhood”. For that I was thinkful & honestly we didn’t ask questions. We were happy to hear “normal”. I now want to know what is normal & do all kids have these or is it like badish but still within “normal” range?!

She still wanted to do heart ultrasound so into that room we went. (That room, all the way down to the warmed up gel, brought back so many babies doctor appointment memories for both Jason & I!) Lucy was happy all through the ultrasound because they had Netflix Trolls playing on a TV above her head! (Thank goodness.)

I, on the other hand, thought to myself, this is taking way longer than it should for a “normal” heart. Jason came & sat down beside me & held my hand. I think he was thinking the same thing. Once she finished, we headed back to exam room which is where she told us that Lucy has a small hole in her heart.

A hole in her heart.

I know my face showed all the emotions I was trying to hold back. The cardiologist assured us it was very small hole. When she was born, one of the holes you’re born with just never fully closed. It was an incidental find in the ultrasound as it’s too small to make a murmur heard from stethoscope.

It’s not effecting her in any way. It’s not bad enough she wants surgery. She said it could close up on it’s own but usually if it was, it would have already done so. She wants to monitor it & see us back in 18-24 months. Lucy doesn’t have any medicine to take, no food restrictions, & no childhood activity restrictions.

She does have three things she can’t be or do due to possibility of blood clot or air bubble getting in through the hole. She can’t be an astronaut. She can’t be a fighter pilot (but she can fly in commercial airline). & she can’t deep sea scuba dive. So those are random. & probably not things she’d ever want to have as her career plans.

It’s jarring me still though to know that she does have these limitations (albeit crazy ones that the vast majority of people can’t or don’t want to do). I’m also jarred that my long hoped/prayed/dreamed/stressed over having daughter has had a heath issue pop up like this all the sudden, out of no where. Going into our preterm labor/delivery/NICU days, I had prepared my head & my heart for possible complications. At their 5yr check up after 5 yrs of (mostly) healthy kid life, I wasn’t prepared.

So this week, I’ve held them tighter, read just-one-more-book books way past bedtime, high fived & celebrated their little accomplishments realizing that things aren’t always as you thought. And that your sweet, silly, wild, crazy girl might just have a tiny little bit of a broken heart.