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On Being Social

Before babies, my life was a mix of plans & spontaneity.

I looked forward to my monthly bunco night, book clubs, sorority alum meetings & dinner club, & small group Bible studies all on the calendar. I threw into the mix ladies nights, coworker happy hours & random, last minute dinner dates with the husband. I had the time & open schedule for walks with friends or alone with my ipod after work & on weekends. I jumped in the car on a whim for pedicures & haircuts & highlights.

As my pregnant belly got bigger, I began to scale back on the plans. Because I was too tired & I knew I wouldn’t & couldn’t keep up that schedule for the future. And I was right.

On a typical week, my calendar is blank. But my schedule is packed: babies, work, daycare pickup, traffic home, babies, cook/clean/laundry/diapers, bed.

I know this is the life of all new mothers, especially working mothers of multiples whose husband’s work late. And I love my children. I’m so glad they are in my life.

But I’m going to be honest & say that I miss my ladies nights {Jason getting home at 730+ doesn’t allow for me to make many}. I miss my coworker times {I pump through all my breaks & eat lunches at my desk making up sick time now, so even though I’m in the same building 40 hours a week, I rarely see my work friends}. I miss the quiet time for myself for reading, shopping & just generally having time to be lazy.

This isn’t a cry for help. I’m slowly getting back on my social heels. I’m relearning what it means now to be social: cramming in weekday lunch dates with friends; bringing a baby or two to meet friends for coffee on a Sunday afternoon; finding it relaxing to be able to grocery shop alone on a Saturday. I’m so thankful that I have time to read while pumping & my book club is a very baby friendly group.

I know that as they get older, as the days get lighter & warmer, we’ll be able to be more active out of the house. I’m looking forward to us being social as a family: walks together at the lakes this summer, early weekend dinners out; being invited to friends’ kiddos’ birthday parties.

And since I’m confessing, I’ll let y’all know I’m counting the days

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until my first overnight work trip {13 if you wanna keep up}. My parents are coming to help as babysitters; it’s only 1.5 hours away & for one or maybe two nights. But I’ll get to sleep in & not be woken up at night & enjoy adult conversation as well as a few adult beverages.

I’ve learned all my new social plans are made with a *. With a RSVP’d maybe. Because the babies come first. And I know this is okay. This is my new {maybe not so social} life.

How did/do you deal with the lifestyle change that came with parenthood? Were you able to seamlessly continue life the same with a baby in tow? For non-multiples moms, have you noticed a difference when a second baby was born?

5 comments

  1. LauraC says:

    You’re singing my song. Life was not the same with babies, particularly with babies that could be sick at any moment. It was hard the first two years, then I felt like I had a lot more time for myself. Totally worth it though.

  2. Melissa says:

    I agree with above….it was harder in the beginning, but as O got older and easier ( and not sick as often) I had more time for gym, book clubs, and meeting friends. Now that I am due to have another in a few weeks I know I will have to scale back some. But I really want to point out that I make some “me” time a priority. Even if it is meeting my girlfriends for wine and dessert after our kids are in bed. 🙂

  3. Andrea says:

    This was a great post. I certainly felt the loss of grown-up communication. I lived online, seriously. Any time of day or night – online. Looking for connections. I definitely found them, and think that it was rough and it is rough to find that perfect balance. I don’t always get out – but that’s okay. But when I do I make sure it’s worth it and with people I want to hang with. And I hope you’re going to enjoy your sleep on your overnight!

  4. […] realize a few of my recent posts on motherhood {the sick, the social, the juggling} have had a negative nancy side. But life is good. The babies are at such a fun age […]

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