Last night when I was almost sleep, I wrote a post in my head. It was eloquent. My thoughts were clear & focused. I should’ve gotten up & written it down. I didn’t, so instead I’m word vomiting it out.

After three failed medicated cycles, our RE office suggests meeting with your doctor to discuss future options. During my baseline US appointment Monday, I took the only follow up appointment spot Dr P. had available which was for Friday at 10:45a. Jason’s training at work for a new position {yay!} but thus couldn’t come with me to the appt {boo!}.

I became pretty nervous right before hand realizing this was kinda a big deal. I reached out to my tweeps for support {& they e-rallied around me}. With sweaty palms, I met with Dr P. We discussed my continued short LP & decided I’d do another Ovidrel injection to fake my body out & keep my HCG levels up for a little longer. I will continue the progesterone supps as well for LP support.

Dr P said we could also try what he called “sequential cycle” starting like now. This means adding Follistim injections after I take the Femara in hopes that I will grow multiple follicles for more potential eggs. More eggs=more for buddies to find=better chance for fertilization! I will also be adding the Antagon shot which will prevent premature ovulation.

Since there are more/new injections, my practice requires taking a class. Dr P got me into the Follistim class yesterday afternoon. So I went back to work & then out to lunch with two work friends including a IF warrior-friend Brooke who’s been through the sequential cycle & ended up with her daughter E {she helped pump me full of excitement & hope}. I arrived for the class & was thrilled to see it was being taught by one of my favorite nurses. I learned how to work the Follistim pen {I hope as I will start it Sun night}. The three other woman in the class were beginning their first medicated cycles with injectibles having never done any of the meds or US at our practice.

I’ve never really felt like I’m an IF leader {heck, I’m just getting used to the IF label applying to me}. I guess after 19 cycles, I should own up to the fact that I have been through a lot & learned some things in the process. Through questions & comments in class, the others figured out that I’d done Femara/Ovidrel cycles & while the nurse was faxing over our prescriptions, they asked me questions. I gave them a heads up that Ovidrel doesn’t hurt, but it does make me so bloated that I recommended wearing loose dresses the days after. I also said that Progesterone sticks around with me making a mess all day & makes me cry at every.little.thing.

I realized maybe a do know some things. Maybe I can help others. Maybe I should be using this little blog to spread the word that infertility sucks {am I doing that?}. That speaking out about my infertility is all at the same time nerve-racking, empowering, embarrassing, & humbling, but it could help others struggling trying to get pregnant know they’re not alone or let people know how to support their TTC friends.

With my head exploding a little on the inside, I had to go back to work & finish my day. Then I raced up to North Raleigh to a specialty pharmacy to pick up the Follistim since I need it before a mail order one could get it to me. I got there right before they closed, was loaded up with all the stuff, & then headed home to tell Jason about it all. Both maybe a little overwhelmed, we had a chill Friday night at home & I decompressed a little watching TV. Now after a great night of sleep & a day of funny Nextflix movie watching with the husband, I’m full of hope for this cycle & ready to step it up.