I was told by one of my colleagues the other week that he felt like I saw things in a “glass half empty” way. I was shocked, but I was able to laugh it off at the moment explaining that, as someone who accesses risk, I had to monitor & weigh the bad along with the good.
But he got me thinking {clearly since two weeks later that comment’s still on my mind}. I’ve changed in the last year or so {22 cycles to be specific}. I’m not longer the happy-go-lucky girl who believed all the best.
I try to force myself into thinking postively. But now it’s a little forced instead of being my natural reaction. No longer do I believe that if you want something, it’ll happen & quickly.
I’m more cynical. I catch myself throwing out debby downer comments. I scoff under-my-breath at work as coworkers complain about their un-planned children. This was not the norm for the Suz of a year or so ago. I miss her but yet feel like I have to come to terms with the current me. The one that’s trying to kick infertility’s ass. That’s no longer intimidated by doctors, blood {ok still a little with blood} or injections.
Maybe I am no longer a half-full person. Infertility has me half-empty, but I’m trying to fill back up.
I’m considering this my second Infertile Friday. Feel free to leave a comment with a link to your own infertile thoughts/vent/update post. Or leave a comment supporting those of us battling that infertile beast.
8 replies on “Glass Half Empty”
Ugh, I’m sorry Suz. You’re a better person than I as I probably would have punched him in his grille. No? That’s just me? Oh, okay then.
Anyway, I thought you were one of the most positive and happy people I met on the trip!
Thanks Molly! I am a positive & happy person most of the time which is why that comment though me for a loop. It was over the phone or else I would have been unable to hide my shock!
[…] 238: I might’ve posted something kind of sad for Infertile Friday, but I was super happy when I opened the box of 3M goodies Friday night! That Filtrete pitcher was […]
i couldn’t disagree more, i think you’re being a real trooper!!!
Thanks Melissa! All the emotions come & go. Thankfully, last couple days have been too busy to be sad & too relaxing at night with husband to be anxious.
I think it’s really hard to stay upbeat and positive 100% of the time, especially when dealing with IF. I, for one, think you are doing an amazing job of staying positive. {{{hugs}}}
Thank you Sara. That means a lot coming from you. You’re awesome & I really appreciate your friendship & support. I try & feel like I’m happy & positive most of the time, but some days/nights/minutes/moments are just rough.
Really? I don’t see you that way and can’t believe someone would say so! But I know I changed during my ‘adventure’ in infertility. I had some tough times personally and in my marriage, I slacked off at work & home and looking back I sometimes wonder how I made it through at all. I think blogging through it was very helpful but I also ended up at therapy through the last year or so. I hope that some of the changes have been for the better now that I’m past that part of my life and able to look back on it all the wiser. I know that some of the lingering emotions are still there though as I still can barely handle unplanned pregnancies (even my own has been weird!).