Grieving

I was reading Dr Luke’s book a little more this past week & something I’ve been mulling over, feelings I’ve been pushing down, were mentioned. Mentioned as being absolutely normal. She said the feelings post-hearing “its triplets” mimic the grieving process {you know, shock, denial, anxiety, acceptance}.

Y’all know we are thrilled, oh so thrilled about our babies on the way. I think we’ve both gone through those range of emotions & gotten to the other side. The acceptance side. But I have been grieving the loss of a few things & experiences I will now never have. Some of these might seem silly or selfish, but it’s what I’ve been working through. I want to remember what I was feeling & I’m guessing I’m not the first or the last multiple-mom-to-be to feel this way.

Most recently, especially while reading the chapter on delivering triplets, I’m feeling sad that I will never go through vaginal birth. Y’all know my crunchy side keeps growing. I’ve always wanted to vaginally deliver my future children. After see Ricki Lake at BlogHer & watching the Business of Being Born, I feel even more strongly about it. Home birth. That’s a little more crunchy than I could go but hospital vag birth with hopefully minimal drugs, that was my plan/dream/hope. Until I heard the word triplets. So now I’m getting more & more used to the word C-section. I know its completely best for our situation & that really all that matters is that our babies come out quickly & safely.

We aren’t rolling around in money. Never have & certainly won’t be anytime soon. But as DINKS, we’ve been able to afford most of what we want when we want it, especially since we both love sales & finding a good deal on high quality items. Since hearing & processing the word “triplets”, we’ve both noted that our spending priorities will {& already has} changed.

My husband is selling the track car he bought & fixed up earlier this year. It won’t fit our growing family & it’s payments & insurance are higher than we need to incur. He’s also been selling off his video game collection & accessories of it that he knows he won’t have as much time for once the trips arrive.

As for me, my shopping “needs” have gotten a kick in the butt. I’m so thankful that friends passed down a bunch of maternity clothes to me. Unlike a lot of my female friends who purchase great quality maternity clothes {read expensive} they will wear through multiple pregnancies, this will be my only pregnancy. While I have bought a few work quality clothes {on sale at Gap or Loft}, I haven’t & don’t see a point in spending a lot of money on things I’ll only wear for 6 months.

Same goes for buying for the babies. While I didn’t imagine my future baby would be decked out in designer latest, I thought I’d probably have a few Lilly outfits for photos. Or splurge on a few baby items. Now I’m focusing on what’s really necessary versus want. We’ve gone with fairly basic Walmart cribs & Target crib sets. The dresser/changing tables are some of the least expensive at Buy Buy Baby & our glider will probably come from Target. While I’ve registered for a few more expensive baby products, I’ve weighed that with how much use we’ll get out of them & how in some areas, price does mean quality.

I’m resigning myself to a future life without the latest designer purse, dress or jewelry. They’re not needed. I’ve actually stopped reading some of the fashion blogs I used to follow & unsubscribed from some stores daily emails. Not necessary or fitting in with my life as a triplet mom.

This will probably end up a two-part post. I’ve word vomited out enough for today, but as our lives & priorities continue to change, I’ll update.