Day: April 9, 2011

As I was writing my drugs post, I’d written this on the end. Then I kept writing & realized it as a post of its own.

I’m not one to hide. I talk through my feelings & fears. IF is kinda different. It’s weird to have all most of your private bedroom events on a chart. It’s weird for people to know you’re having sex with a purpose. But I get comfort in talking about it. For a while, I’ve felt like I have an online IF self {probably the real me} then a “normal” life me. The two Suz’s are merging & I like it.

I’ve been “coming out” as an infertile in the last weeks. I told my small group a couple weeks ago. It was so refreshing. They were so supportive.

I posted this on Facebook Thursday night. “Infertility is a heart-wrenching, faith-questioning, relationship-testing, life-altering experience. April is Infertility Awareness Month. Whether a friend, a family member, a colleague or yourself has fought through this difficult fate that MILLIONS of couples are fighting day in and day out. Post this as your status if you or someone you know has struggled at a chance to be a parent.” 10+ likes later from all kinds of women in my life. Ones I had no idea had been impacted by IF. Yep, coming out feels good.

I told my boss on Tuesday. She thought I was coming to tell her I was pregnant. #fail But she was really sweet & understanding and asked me how I was doing after the appointment Wednesday. I’m glad she knows.

I’m pretty to very close with my parents. I’ve filled my parents, especially my mom, in on the steps of our TTC. But since we’ve been going to the RE, she hasn’t asked too many questions. If you know my inquisitive mom, then you’d know that’s weird. It’d made me almost uncomfortable. Well last night we talked for a while & she asked all the right questions & said all the right things. It was like this invisible weight that I didn’t really know was there has been lifted with her words. Conversations ending with “I love you & I’m praying for you” really mean so much.

IF sucks. I really wish we weren’t going through this. BUT I’ve learned a lot about myself. Just how much I can handle then add more, I got it. Friends have stepped up {& stepped out about their own IF}. Coming out is good.

I’ve written this post in my head for a few days. Usually while driving, or in the shower, or in those .5 seconds right before you fall asleep so I couldn’t type or even write it out.

Monday I chose to not do an emo, dramatic, woah is me post & y’all can thank me for it. That’s not me & probably not what you come here to read. Instead I posted what was making me smile.

But to be fair to myself and so that I can look back {hopefully with a wee babe in my arms} to remember all the steps I went through fighting IF, here’s where I am. I started getting my period Sunday. Yes, 9 days after I O’d. Dr.P had advised us that my LP problems would be solved by the trigger shot & its hormones. They weren’t.

I gave myself Sunday night to be kinda sad {& get an extra scoop of Ben & Jerry’s}. Monday, I was kinda quiet & a little mopey. Jason was awesome kick starting me back to myself {my small group girls helped too}. Tuesday, I was ready to get this cycle started & called the RE. Off I went to their office Wednesday morning for another Wandy appointment. Everything looked good, so they called it day 3 of a new cycle {16 if you’re keeping track}.

The U/S tech recommended vitamin B6. Which if you remember, online {turned IRL} nurse friends had told me about months ago. I didn’t think it was working so I’d stopped {looking at my LPs though I think it actually had}, but I started taking those again Wednesday. Dr. P also prescribed progesterone supplements starting three days after this upcoming trigger shot {something I brought up last time & am very happy to be starting}.

So the meds I now take: start morning with thyroid pill, after lunch I take 100mg B6 & prenatal vitamin & with dinner I’m taking Femara {through Sunday}. Hopefully next Friday will be the trigger shot then I’ll add in the progesterone possibly the following Monday until I get my period or the long awaited BFP.

Do I wish our first medicated cycle had worked?! Hells yes. Am I shocked it didn’t? No, not really. But there’s comfort in knowing what to expect. I’m happy that I now know what to expect with Femara & Ovidrel. I’ve got my leggings washed & ready for the bloat. You know I’ll keep y’all updated.

Only three hours left of the giveaway!