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tmi

Every night I think through my day to unwind right before I fall asleep. Thursday night, I wrote two blog posts in my head. Good ones; they were witty, entertaining, deep & even a little TMI about TTC {at least I thought they were}. I *almost* jumped up to write them down. Instead I rolled over & fell asleep. I woke up Friday morning refreshed, but my mind was blank. Those witty posts poof; gone. But I still feel like this needs to be said. To be remembered by me & to let others TTC know they aren’t alone. Mom & Dad, if you’ve stumbled back here, stop reading.

Long time readers of a certain friend of mine will remember a guest post by our friend Jenny aka the Oral Goddess. I read the post. Tongue in cheek. Admiring her willingness to not only do that frequently but also admit it & put it out there. But all the while, thinking to myself, that’s not me. Not us. At least not anymore. I kinda felt like that bedroom action was done or, like late night pizza & drunk dials, a kinda fun but rare occurrence for my 28 year old self.

Then we started TTC. And all my thoughts, plans, lofty ideas about “normal” soon went out the window. Months & cycles went by & we were still not pregnant. Our normal wasn’t working & I was willing to try *just about* everything. Which included digging deep into my seventeen-year-old-self’s Cosmo knowledge. You remember reading that right? & laughing with friends at the beach while reading articles about positions & tips & tricks that you didn’t really think people did.

Six months into trying to conceive, I was frustrated & tired. So I tried something a few of those different things & it worked. Hands, tongues, removing all married-people-don’t-do-that’s from my psyche, & pulling out the honeymoon {one size too small} lingerie, & TTC became a little more fun.

Close to a year later, the routine is killing us both. Add to that uncomfort & even pain on my part, thanks to the increased fertility meds, & TTC is much less fun & much more like our second jobs. What Jenny did {does?!}, that I kinda scoffed at, that type of performance occurs multiple times during TTC week in our house & is now our normal. But we try to have fun. & relax because, you know, that’s all it takes right?! And certain fairly tame swag that should & does make me blush a little, just might help & be my new favorite {thanks, A for picking up an extra one & sharing}.

I was told at my cycle day 10 appointment that this sixth medicated cycle will probably be the last before we add in procedures like IUIs or IVF. Both mean conception most likely occurs outside of the bedroom & with a high $$$ price. So this weekend, I’m going to try to enjoy our new normal & then let nature & God take over. What’s a better place for inception to really happen than right before attending a baby shower right?!

I’ve been thinking that I’d love a place {outside of those message boards} to connect & vent & relate to others TTC, battling infertility, or who’ve come through it with a babe in tow. I’m thinking of making fridays Infertile Fridays around here. Feel free to link up in the comments anything that might help me or others struggling through TTC.

7 comments

  1. E-mail me if you want me to share my story with you. I DM’d you briefly. As you know, I started with children later in life. I’m sure you have read this book, but if not, definitely read, “Taking Charge of Your Fertility”.

    • Suz says:

      Leigh that book was my TTC bible when we first started. I’ve now started giving it to my friends who are thinking of starting to TTC soon. Definitely a great read.
      Thanks for your DM.

  2. I tried for 9 months with my second, and I began to hate all thoughts of it, so I admire you for really going out of your way to try to make it spicier and less like drudgery. I really hope your efforts pay off soon for you!

  3. Katie says:

    “But we try to have fun. & relax because, you know, thatโ€™s all it takes right?!”
    *dead*

    Do have lots of fun. I remember the night we conceived. I was laying there like “ughhh I do not want to do this anymore.” I would love for the memory to have been fun & exciting. Obviously I would take it either way, but you kwim.

    You’re such an inspiration! I know you’re hurting but you really don’t show it at all. You’re so positive and upbeat and so super fabulous. I’m honored to know you!!!!

    • Katie says:

      Also, once I was like half asleep and was writing this amazing post in my head. So I typed it into my phone. When I looked at it the next day it made ZEROOOOO SENSE. Like DREAMS. So may be it’s best we don’t get up and write and post. Because they would be awful. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Suz says:

        So true Katie! I’m pretty sure what I “wrote” in my head was a mess, but there were a few good lines that I wish I could recall.

        Thanks for your comment. So humbling to hear you think I’m an inspiration when I think you’re so awesome!

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