Baby B

I’m going to make this a two part-er. This part? Not the “treat” in Suz’s Treats. Quite the opposite. It’s tough & I don’t know how to say it, so I just am.

At our 18 week high resolution scan yesterday, the ultrasound tech first spotted babies A & B. She went initially to baby B, searched for a second, said the words that I can’t forget “I can’t seem to find a heartbeat”. Silly, naive me thought, look harder, baby B can be shy! She measured baby A’s head then went back to baby B & measured it’s head too. Then she told us while baby A’s measured over 18 weeks, baby B stopped growing around 15 weeks 4 days. She tried finding any blood flow in or out & there was none.

She moved on to the scans of babies A & C; I was too in shock & too scared to say anything but Jason asked the question I was afraid to: what was going on with baby B?! She said something along the lines of it didn’t make it. I asked & she told us that baby B had been a girl.

She left the room {so I could change for her to check my cervix} & I just clung to husband & sobbed. She came back & then the doctor came in & he too seemed a bit in shock but was so awesome that I like him even more than before. To answer the question everyone seems to have, baby B’s small body is still there & will remain for the rest of this pregnancy.

So that’s the short of it. Our triplets are no longer triplets & I’m sad & for one of the first times ever, I’m kinda speechless.

I do want to thank my twitter friends for all their support yesterday {& today & everyday really}. It was amazing & so sweet to find 150+ replies after I tweeted about the loss of baby B. Y’all, love from family & friends, & the strength of prayer as well as babies A & C are helping us cope with this new turn of events.

Tomorrow, I’ll bring a treat {actually two!} back to Suz’s Treats & share photos & the sexes of our babies.

45 comments

  1. Diana says:

    Oh Suz. I bawled through this whole post because my heart just aches so much. And while I’m rejoicing that the two are doing well, I know it can’t fill the spot of the other little one.
    You guys have been through so much. You’re in my prayers on a daily basis.
    Diana recently posted..The Blogger Bubble

  2. Oh, honey :( I am so, so, so sorry for your loss.

  3. TheNextMartha says:

    I am so so sorry. Lots of love.

  4. Sara says:

    Your babies will always be triplets. And you have such an amazing strength. There is a reason you were chosen to be Baby Bs momma.

  5. BreAnna says:

    I am so very sorry for your loss. <3

  6. Crysi says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.

  7. Paisley says:

    I’m so sorry. You will always be a triplet mama. We lost one of our identical twins at 20 weeks and it’s hard, even though we were lucky enough to have a perfectly healthy boy. So many emotions. I know you don’t know me but please email if you need to talk.

  8. Momeinstein says:

    Suz, my heart goes out to you. I am so so very sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’ve been keeping you in my thoughts. Huge hugs.
    Momeinstein recently posted..Place Your Bets: Boy or Girl?

  9. Cole says:

    I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with your entire family.
    Cole recently posted..Squishy’s Birth Story Part 2 – Where She Actually Gets Born

  10. Kylie says:

    I’ve been reading along on your blog for awhile now, but thus far hadn’t commented. I just wanted you to know how sorry I am to read about the loss of your little girl, Baby B. Thinking of you from Australia, xox

  11. Rachel B. says:

    I’m so sorry about Baby B. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
    Rachel B. recently posted..Wordless Wednesday

  12. Melissa says:

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so sorry for your loss……

  13. Melissa says:

    i’m so sorry Suz. Sweet baby girl.

    The smallest children are nearest to God ~Jean Paul Richter

  14. KeAnne says:

    Suz, I am so very sorry about Baby B :-( I mentioned this on Twitter, but we went through something similar with my son. We discovered at our first u/s at almost 9 weeks that we had a vanished twin that had stopped growing a few days before. If we had an u/s earlier, we probably would have seen 2 heartbeats. I know it’s not quite the same as your sweet Baby B, but I remember going home and sobbing – happy for our very active baby but so sad for the one that didn’t make it.

    I’m thinking of you and your sweet babies.

  15. Oh Suz. I am so, so sorry. Sending lots of love and thoughts and prayers to you guys.

  16. michelleJ says:

    This is not easy. Please find some comfort in the knowledge of the virtual hugs and real prayers sent your way, from far away.
    I’m sorry for this loss.

  17. Mama Fisch says:

    Suz- I am so sorry for you… baby “B” will always be with you and all three of them are so lucky to have you as their mama! Hugs mama!

  18. LauraC says:

    Still so sorry to hear this news.

  19. molly says:

    I’m so sorry, Suz. I am praying for Baby A and C.

  20. Cyndi says:

    Sending love and light to you all…

  21. jessicaisbaking says:

    Suz, I have been following along but hadn’t commented. I am so sorry for your loss. You and Jason are in my prayers. LIXO

  22. Laura says:

    Oh Suz, I just can’t imagine the emotions you and J are feeling. I am truly sorry for your loss and want you to know we are praying for you and for the babies. Your sweet baby girl will never be forgotten. ((hugs))

  23. Jenny says:

    You’re in our thoughts and prayers, Suz. You, Jason, Baby Girl B and your two thriving babies. You started out a triplet momma, and you’ll always be one in your heart – that’s where it matters most! <3 <3 <3

  24. Brandy says:

    Love you so much sweetie. I just can’t process it. So sorry but happy A & C are thriving.

  25. Oh my gosh Suz, I am so very sorry! ((((hugs)))))

  26. Emilee says:

    I am so sorry for your loss of Baby B.
    Hugs my friend.

  27. megan says:

    Suz,
    You are in my prayers and I’m so sorry. Baby A & baby C will always have a special angel watching over them. Thinking of you and sending hugs!
    Mega

  28. MC Collins says:

    Oh Suz, I’m just reading this update. I’m so sorry for your loss…many prayers are being said for you, I know. -mc

  29. Misty says:

    I know there are no right words but know that we are all wrapping you in one big cyper-space hug. May God give you comfort.

  30. Calley Pate says:

    So sorry to hear about your loss but so happy to hear the results of A + C scans! Our prayers are with you and your family both of sorrow and joy! XOXO!

  31. Sorry to hear about this :( Praying for your smooth pregnancy & delivery.

    Giving you cyber hugs all the way from Malaysia!
    Jenny @ I’m a full-time mummy recently posted..Hearty Banana Oat Flapjacks

  32. Joanna says:

    I’m so sorry to hear this. I am thinking about you! xoxo

  33. Kaitlyn says:

    I’m so so sorry Suz. I don’t know what to say so I’ll just offer up my love and ((hugs))

  34. [...] for your encouragement & support on my post on baby B. She is missed. But everyday since Tuesday morning I’ve cried less & tried to continue to [...]

  35. Miranda says:

    Thinking about you and Jason every day, Suz.

  36. Katie says:

    Oh Suzy I’m so sorry :((((((

  37. [...] that day was here yesterday. Things changed in my pregnancy making it possible & more probably that I will carry my babes farther than I [...]

  38. Soña says:

    I know this happened months ago but I was reading Babble tonight and saw your belly pic and had to click over to your blog. My husband and I were also expecting triplets and at our anatomy scan at 17 weeks we learned I’d lost Baby C. It remains the most confusing and heartbreaking thing I’ve ever been through. I’d never read another story of a second tri loss like this being discovered solely through u/s (and not bleeding or cramping or something else). I just wanted to say I’m sorry for your Baby B and I hope the remainder of your pregnancy goes well.

    • Suz says:

      Sona, thank you so much for this comment. I too don’t know of anyone else who’s experience a triplet loss in the second tri & yes, I had no symptoms. I’m sorry too for your loss & thank you again for the well wishes.

  39. So, so similar to my story..except I never knew what gender our baby B was. I wish I did. ((hugs))

    • Suz says:

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I hate that our stories are so similar, but I’m here for support. I’m sorry you weren’t able to find out th sex. It is something I’m glad we know.

  40. [...] posts start off hard. I shared the results of our 18 week big ultrasound in two posts: one about the loss of baby B & another about babies A & C. Then my babies showers began later that month. First up was [...]

  41. [...] We are a year out from the day last year that changed our life. January 31st 2012, we learned that our three in-utero babies were to be two future babies. Our baby A, Zach, & our baby C, Lucy. The dream of triplets, our dreams of life with three, died that day when we learned about baby B. [...]

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