Post-IUI Two Week Wait

I haven’t posted at all about my IUI since my pre-IUI Infertile Friday. I haven’t responded to any of the sweet comments from that post because I couldn’t without crying. I so felt the love that Friday & Saturday & as always, am so thankful for the e-support.

I’m both at a loss for words {maybe a first} & have been a bit overwhelmed at knowing where to start typing about my IUI & feelings since. This will be rambling, but it’s my blog right, so I can ramble here?!

Last Saturday morning {before the family football fun}, Jason went to the RE & did his thing. I arrived {with my mom as my driver} about an hour later. I was taken back to a small room, & while Mom offered to go with me to hold my hand but I ultimately decided that’d be too weird. I was thrilled to see one of my favorite nurses walk in. I was already put at ease just knowing it was her doing it. I signed the same forms under my husband’s name & was told everything looked great with 45 million freshly washed sperm.

The procedure itself was more painful than I’d heard, but after my experience at the cervix dilation I was afraid it would be. I clenched my teeth & fists as she finally found the opening & insert in the catheter. It didn’t take very long {maybe a few minutes?} before she was done & we were chatting. She answered my questions: that it was fine for me to go to the game & walk around, to take Tylenol for the cramps that would happen {they sure did}, that the sperm wouldn’t leak out but to wear a pad because the pink liquid they wash them in might leak {it did}, that I might spot a little & that was normal for all the poking around she’d done {I did}. She said the sperm would find there way & the connection would happen within three minutes but she had me stay laying down for 10-15 minutes.

After I got up & redressed, I paid my $$$ & met my mom in the waiting room. I was very thankful that she was there to drive me home {Jason had to go straight from his appointment to work} as I was too uncomfortable to drive. We were home around 9 & luckily for me, the tailgaters weren’t arriving until 11:15 so I spent about an hour & half on the couch in my yoga pants & Tshirt before having to change.

How have I been feeling in this past week or so? Good. The cramping from the IUI itself went away by Saturday afternoon & I was all better Sunday. I did the Ovridrel booster shot while I was in Edenton last Tuesday & began the progesterone last Monday. I’ve been feeling a little bloated, but I can’t be sure if that’s from all the food I ate last week, from the booster Ovridrel or from possible future baby. I’ve also had sensitivity in my breasts which is a little normal for PMS time but I’ve never experience to this degree {it was painful trying to run & I’ve been woken up by it at night if I’m on my stomach}. I felt a few twinges in the middle of last week. Implantation? Gas? I’ve been kinda light-headed or queasy if I don’t drink enough water or wait a long time to eat.

Are these early pregnancy signs? Yes. Am I a bit paranoid & over-analyzing every little thing? Also yes. Time will tell sooner than later as this 2WW should end soon.

Braver Than I Ever Thought

This post follows up well to yesterday’s I’ll never post. Because I truly thought I’d never have to do all the crazy, scary, way-out-of-my-comfort-zone things I’ve been since being “infertile”.

I’d have thought, I’ll never be able to do seven days straight of giving myself injections. I hate needles. But I’m happy with the effects they have on fighting infertility & I have the shot pin points to show I’ve done them each day this past week.

I’ll never be able or have to give blood multiple days in a week. I was scared, & I have the triple bruises to prove I survived.

I’ll never be able to grow six follicles {two to three of which we’re thinking are now mature}. Yep, did that & bloated enough to show.

I’ll never have to have an IUI.Yet here we are, on the afternoon before our first IUI.

What am I feeling? I don’t know. A million things ~ excited, nervous, happy, relieved, overwhelmed, a little scared of the unknown, scared of possible pain, scared of it not working, scared it works too well. And at the same time, I feel nothing~ too much in the zone or in a blur just trying to take it all in. All at once.

My parents are on their way into town for the NCSU football game tomorrow. {Jason has to go straight to work after he does his part, so Mom might also go with me tomorrow in case I’m too crampy to drive home.} So right now, I’m thinking about the vacuuming & cat litter clean-up that must be done. Sometimes, distraction from the serious, major, easy to over-think-&-be-overwhelmed-by topics is a very peaceful feeling.

What have you done that’s braver/stronger/more than you ever imagined you could do?

How awesome would this be if this is one of my last Infertile Friday posts?! That’s in my wildest, most lovely dreams.

IF Fatty Dress Help

My brother’s wedding is 10/22. Like three weeks away. I can’t wait to witness the wedding of such a great couple. I know it’ll be a great time celebrating with family & friends for that whole long weekend. I’m honestly so excited!

When I think of weddings, one of my first thought is outfit ~ particularly dresses. I purchased this Adrianna Papell dress {in a latte brown color} a couple month ago as my bridesmaids dress. Love it & it’s happily checked off my to-do list.

What I’m worried a little about though is a rehearsal dinner dress. What do I wear?!

A combination of stress, laziness, work travel & summer weather has me feeling chubbier than ever. I know there are some people who react & combat stress like infertility by losing their appetite or working out. Not me ~ not even a little. I find solace in comfort food & desserts & alcohol. True story. Need a happy hour friend? A buddy to grab fro-yo with? Call/text/tweet me. I had a great walking buddy in A before she moved {miss you friend} & have been chatting about walking with other friends {but we haven’t, yet}.

Back to the dresses, the rehearsal will take place at the hotel where ceremony & reception are being held. The rehearsal dinner is at the historic & kinda funky The Old City Bar. I’ve purchased three dresses as options for this night. Since it’s late in October, I want 3/4-long sleeves, but since it’s not a super dressy crowd & location, I’m thinking shorter dress & probably no tights. Not sure shoes yet. I’d love your honest opinions. {Some times I really miss living with 40 girls in my Chi O sorority house. It made getting ready so easy & fun!}

Option one: Lilly Pulitzer Shauna Tunic in Turquoise Optical Confusion. My good buddy B picked this up for me at this spring’s Warehouse Sale. It’s a little tight in the tummy/hips, but with shape-wear, I think it would look ok. {I might be a little uncomfortable/not able to pee though.} I think it’s dressy enough but not overly dressy. I wonder if it’s too wild, but I do like bright & my other choices are also busy prints.

Option two: Boden Brighton Dress in Navy Eclipse. I purchased this one during their mid-season sale this week & it will hopefully arrive early next week. I think this cut will be very flattering for me, but I’m hoping it’s not too boobalious. I’m kinda in-between sizes for Boden. The last dress I bought from there I went up in size & it’s kinda big {I was being optimistic that’d I’d be knocked up wearing it last winter, not so much}.

Option three: Boden Ruched Waist Jersey Dress in Blues Dizzy Spot. This one was also purchased during the sale & on it’s way to me. I went up in size for this one since the reviews mentioned it fitting a little small. I love the details on the neckline & empired-waist. I think the 3/4 sleeves will work well in whatever’s the weather inside or out. Word on the street is that we’ll be hitting up a few Richmond bars after the rehearsal dinner so that comes into play with my dress decision too.

I bought the two dress from Boden planning to return one, but there is also a cocktail party Thursday night given by my soon-to-be SIL’s aunt & uncle. So, if both Boden dresses work for me, I could definitely wear one of them to that pre-pre-wedding party.

Which one is your favorite? What would you suggest for shoes & jewelry for each dress? Too late for open toed shoes in Oct in VA? Too early for boots?

{fatty update} I remembered this week that I’d purchased 4 Pure Barre classes with a living social deal in July, & I sweated & jiggled through the first class tonight. I really enjoyed it even though it made me realize all the flexibility I’ve lost since last time I was at a barre 11 years ago. I plan to go back a few times next week & maybe even purchase a few more sessions.

Not affiliate links. Sadly, Boden & Lilly Pulitzer don’t know who I am.

Unplugged

This past week I’ve been 99% unplugged. I was in Edenton, NC & spent 11 hours a day in the claims office & the other time at a local B&B. Nice people. Pretty historic district. Some good restaurants. No cell service with my provider.

I could go a few miles south to a restaurant to have it, but where I was all week: nothing. There was a bit of WiFi at the B&B but only if I was in the other part of the place or a certain middle spot on the bed. So without my control, I took a week off from twitter, my google reader, & blogging here too. I’m going to try to play catch up before I head back there Monday morning.

So thanks to Irene, I’ll have two weeks unplugged from city life. From normal day-to-day life. From 4G internet. From Moe kitty. And from Husband. And thus, from TTC.

We decided we’d just let or not let things happen on our own this month. No crazy old wives tales & no meds. I chose to make these work travel plans around future RE appointments realizing that meant that I was probably ovulating in a B&B in Eastern NC alone yesterday. Here’s hoping the $$ I make helping out is enough for a IUI cycle or two or that this weekend home does the trick. 😉

Another Infertile Friday. Hope your week was filled with hope & happiness. Sometimes a week unplugged can do that for you.

That Green Monster

That green monster called Jealousy has been rearing it’s evil head pretty frequently for me. I hate it. But I’m going to let it all out here to share exactly how I’m feeling. {I tend to feel better after a good vent, don’t you?!}

Three babies were recently born who’s moms conceived after we started trying. Actually they found out when we started going to the RE in February. So happy for my friends, & yet disappointed & jealous for us.

I find myself looking at cute pregnant women & thinking “why her & not me?”. We’re surrounded by them & more than a handful of babies in our NCSU season ticket seats. I will be drinking at those home games.

I get jealous walking past maternity/baby stores & hate I can’t go in there yet {for myself}.

My first thought when I hear someone’s pregnant is typically a cuss word {take your pick which one} then very quickly followed by sincere happiness & congrats to them. I hate that it’s not immediately the happy. I do find that if they’ve been trying “a while” or have been through IF, I’m immediately excited. But I know it should just be immediately excited no matter what they’ve experienced.

I dreamed {nightmared?!} Tuesday night that 3 good IRL friends {I’m looking at you B, K & C} brought HPTs to my house & all announced they were pregnant at once. They weren’t even TTC & bam all three at once. I was so jealous/mad/horrified. I woke up freaked out.

I have had two friends say to me recently that they’ve been “afraid” or “hate to tell me” now about their own or other women we know’s pregnancy. I hate that. I hate that I come with an infertility warning label now.

I’m jealous of women who aren’t thinking constantly about TTC, who either thoughtlessly get knocked up or it happens with little thought/effort. After my doctor dilated my cervix Tuesday {so painful I cried} to prepare for an IUI, we learned we’d been benched from meds & the procedure for this cycle due to another cyst. I still find myself watching for CM or thinking about fertile days.

A friend recently said she went through these same feelings while they were dealing with IF & prayer helped her get through it. I purchased a Christian infertility book recently to see if that would help. I plan to take it with me on my upcoming trips to see if it helps center & calm me & that Jealousy monster. What other tips for keeping jealousy at bay can you offer?

This is yet another Infertile Friday post. Feel free to link up if you have an Infertile post of your own. Or leave a comment to share the love.