Tag: infertility

{Remember that HS {mid-late 90s I guess} phrase. Gosh that was over used. Moving on.}

I hadn’t spoken much about this cycle. It was very similar to my first medicated cycle { followed by Ovridril & bloating}. This time the 36 hour mark, fell in the middle of Kelly’s party. For maybe one of the first times ever for me, we left early. Not for being sick or other plans. No for sex.

I’d hoped it’d be worth it. Based on last month’s short LP, I added progesterone suppositories beginning three days after Ovridril {so Monday night for me}. I’d been warned they were messy. Yep, very. But I hoped they too would be worth it if they lengthened my cycle enough for pregnancy.

I spotted 8dpo {hello implantation spotting I thought!} then felt pretty nauseated the following day {morning sickness maybe?!}. My fingers & toes were crossed. My temps were staying up. Wednesday {11dpo}, I got a negative hpt then started spotting. I called the doctor to make baseline U/S appointment thinking it was day 1. I was sad, angry, & disappointed. I let myself have those feelings. Then I moved on to feeling hopeful for cycle 17 {my favorite number} & glad that the extra drugs that lengthened my LP.

The U/S showed stuff on my left ovary {same one with the huge follicle a couple weeks ago}. The nurse said it could be cyst{s} or the remaining of the egg. Lots of lining there so she sent me to lab for pregnancy bloodwork as well as estrogen level check. I was told after lunch I’d know if I was pregnant or had cyst. Continued praying.

My doctor himself called me at 10a {bless him for not making me wait any longer}. He advised I wasn’t pregnant & that my estrogen level was so high that it was definitely cysts. Those damn cysts meant we couldn’t start a medicated cycle . So I’m at busted. Cycle 17 {that lucky number?} busted. Dr P said we could try on our own, using OPKs & the progesterone. I don’t have much faith it’ll work & at least today am wishing this cycle away so we can move on.

Guess this is in line with Happy Infertility Awareness Week y’all.

As I was writing my drugs post, I’d written this on the end. Then I kept writing & realized it as a post of its own.

I’m not one to hide. I talk through my feelings & fears. IF is kinda different. It’s weird to have all most of your private bedroom events on a chart. It’s weird for people to know you’re having sex with a purpose. But I get comfort in talking about it. For a while, I’ve felt like I have an online IF self {probably the real me} then a “normal” life me. The two Suz’s are merging & I like it.

I’ve been “coming out” as an infertile in the last weeks. I told my small group a couple weeks ago. It was so refreshing. They were so supportive.

I posted this on Facebook Thursday night. “Infertility is a heart-wrenching, faith-questioning, relationship-testing, life-altering experience. April is Infertility Awareness Month. Whether a friend, a family member, a colleague or yourself has fought through this difficult fate that MILLIONS of couples are fighting day in and day out. Post this as your status if you or someone you know has struggled at a chance to be a parent.” 10+ likes later from all kinds of women in my life. Ones I had no idea had been impacted by IF. Yep, coming out feels good.

I told my boss on Tuesday. She thought I was coming to tell her I was pregnant. #fail But she was really sweet & understanding and asked me how I was doing after the appointment Wednesday. I’m glad she knows.

I’m pretty to very close with my parents. I’ve filled my parents, especially my mom, in on the steps of our TTC. But since we’ve been going to the RE, she hasn’t asked too many questions. If you know my inquisitive mom, then you’d know that’s weird. It’d made me almost uncomfortable. Well last night we talked for a while & she asked all the right questions & said all the right things. It was like this invisible weight that I didn’t really know was there has been lifted with her words. Conversations ending with “I love you & I’m praying for you” really mean so much.

IF sucks. I really wish we weren’t going through this. BUT I’ve learned a lot about myself. Just how much I can handle then add more, I got it. Friends have stepped up {& stepped out about their own IF}. Coming out is good.

I’ve written this post in my head for a few days. Usually while driving, or in the shower, or in those .5 seconds right before you fall asleep so I couldn’t type or even write it out.

Monday I chose to not do an emo, dramatic, woah is me post & y’all can thank me for it. That’s not me & probably not what you come here to read. Instead I posted what was making me smile.

But to be fair to myself and so that I can look back {hopefully with a wee babe in my arms} to remember all the steps I went through fighting IF, here’s where I am. I started getting my period Sunday. Yes, 9 days after I O’d. Dr.P had advised us that my LP problems would be solved by the trigger shot & its hormones. They weren’t.

I gave myself Sunday night to be kinda sad {& get an extra scoop of Ben & Jerry’s}. Monday, I was kinda quiet & a little mopey. Jason was awesome kick starting me back to myself {my small group girls helped too}. Tuesday, I was ready to get this cycle started & called the RE. Off I went to their office Wednesday morning for another Wandy appointment. Everything looked good, so they called it day 3 of a new cycle {16 if you’re keeping track}.

The U/S tech recommended vitamin B6. Which if you remember, online {turned IRL} nurse friends had told me about months ago. I didn’t think it was working so I’d stopped {looking at my LPs though I think it actually had}, but I started taking those again Wednesday. Dr. P also prescribed progesterone supplements starting three days after this upcoming trigger shot {something I brought up last time & am very happy to be starting}.

So the meds I now take: start morning with thyroid pill, after lunch I take 100mg B6 & prenatal vitamin & with dinner I’m taking Femara {through Sunday}. Hopefully next Friday will be the trigger shot then I’ll add in the progesterone possibly the following Monday until I get my period or the long awaited BFP.

Do I wish our first medicated cycle had worked?! Hells yes. Am I shocked it didn’t? No, not really. But there’s comfort in knowing what to expect. I’m happy that I now know what to expect with Femara & Ovidrel. I’ve got my leggings washed & ready for the bloat. You know I’ll keep y’all updated.

Only three hours left of the giveaway!

I mentioned last week that I our first round of infertility drugs. I didn’t find that I really had any side effects of the Femara other than some uncomfortable pressure which I attributed to growing follicles.

I went Wednesday {day 12} for the follow-up ultrasound {hello again Wandy}. As I’d thought, I had two mature follicles on the right side & one on the left. As a IF newbie, I realized after I left that I didn’t really find out what they measured, but I think the two right ones were 16 & 18 maybe. She gave me another copy of the Ovidrel user guide, told me to do the shot Wednesday night, & sent me on my way with a good luck, see you after BFP or Day 1.

I don’t like shots. I don’t do needles. My least favorite part of a regular gyno appt is the finger prick. To say I was nervous about the shot is an understatement. But as Jason reminded me, I was more excited that the Femara worked {giddy really} & for the possibility to be pregnant this cycle, than I was scared for a not-so little needle. I cleaned the chubby left side of my tummy, clicked on the glass, pushed a tiny bit of medicine out, grabbed the chub, stuck the needle all the way in, let go of the chubs & pressed down shooting the meds in my body. The crazy blogger part of me wanted to photo all this but I needed both hands {sorry but y’all dont really wanna see the chub anyways}. I did photo the before {I need a cider for liquid courage} & after to share.

Afterwards I laid on the couch spent & Jason picked up dinner from Wendy’s {hello yummy Apple Pecan Chicken Salad!}. I felt a little itchy on the site but it wasn’t red. Later that night I started feeling more pressure and pulled on my comfiest pj pants before bed. TI went great that night!

I woke up Thursday morning on my stomach in pain. Like holy crap the pressure. I realized the extent of the bloat when I tried to re-wear pants I’d worn to work last week. They were very uncomfortable to button because of the bloat but I was running late & optimistic that it’d go down. The pressure did get a little better and maybe the bloat went down a tiny bit, but I still ended up sitting at my desk with the two top buttons undone for most of the day! I was going to have Jason take a photo before I met girls out for dinner & drinks last night {I changed into leggings & a empire-waisted dress} before I seriously felt huge so I didn’t even ask him.

We were a little late on the TI Friday morning as I’m not a morning person & there was some pain I wasn’t prepared for. The bloat was better Friday & a lot less pressure. I was more prepared outfit-wise with leggings and a long sweater for work. While there have been 15 cycles before now, I feel like our first real 2WW has began! Since I suck at secrets and am pretty much a semi-open book at this point, I’m sure y’all will learn how this cycle ends up soon after we do. Fingers, toes, teeth, hair, whatever you got, cross it for us!!

Only three GFC followers until my first giveaway! I’m really excited to be able to share this shop with y’all. So if you like what you see, I’d love for you to be an “official” follower. 🙂

with the help of 8 more over the next 5 nights will hopefully help get us pregnant!

I went this morning & had my first {& hopefully only} baseline ultrasound. To be honest, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. They definitley have the walk-in crowd down to a science. I signed in, opened Lucky magazine, & before I knew it my name was being called. I was put into a room, told to strip from the weight down & sit on the table. The dr {ultrasound tech I guess} went over what she’d do then showed me “wandy”. Y’all is was definitely a strange falliac looking ultrasound wand. Quickly after, she turned the screen so I could “see” & walked me through what she was looking at. To me it was all fuzzy, but she saw two clear ovaries & lining what it should look like at Day 3. That meant I was clear to go with those pills!

I’ll be going back next Wednesday for a follow up ultrasound to see if the Femera has worked. Fingers crossed y’all!