That green monster called Jealousy has been rearing it’s evil head pretty frequently for me. I hate it. But I’m going to let it all out here to share exactly how I’m feeling. {I tend to feel better after a good vent, don’t you?!}
Three babies were recently born who’s moms conceived after we started trying. Actually they found out when we started going to the RE in February. So happy for my friends, & yet disappointed & jealous for us.
I find myself looking at cute pregnant women & thinking “why her & not me?”. We’re surrounded by them & more than a handful of babies in our NCSU season ticket seats. I will be drinking at those home games.
I get jealous walking past maternity/baby stores & hate I can’t go in there yet {for myself}.
My first thought when I hear someone’s pregnant is typically a cuss word {take your pick which one} then very quickly followed by sincere happiness & congrats to them. I hate that it’s not immediately the happy. I do find that if they’ve been trying “a while” or have been through IF, I’m immediately excited. But I know it should just be immediately excited no matter what they’ve experienced.
I dreamed {nightmared?!} Tuesday night that 3 good IRL friends {I’m looking at you B, K & C} brought HPTs to my house & all announced they were pregnant at once. They weren’t even TTC & bam all three at once. I was so jealous/mad/horrified. I woke up freaked out.
I have had two friends say to me recently that they’ve been “afraid” or “hate to tell me” now about their own or other women we know’s pregnancy. I hate that. I hate that I come with an infertility warning label now.
I’m jealous of women who aren’t thinking constantly about TTC, who either thoughtlessly get knocked up or it happens with little thought/effort. After my doctor dilated my cervix Tuesday {so painful I cried} to prepare for an IUI, we learned we’d been benched from meds & the procedure for this cycle due to another cyst. I still find myself watching for CM or thinking about fertile days.
A friend recently said she went through these same feelings while they were dealing with IF & prayer helped her get through it. I purchased a Christian infertility book recently to see if that would help. I plan to take it with me on my upcoming trips to see if it helps center & calm me & that Jealousy monster. What other tips for keeping jealousy at bay can you offer?
This is yet another Infertile Friday post. Feel free to link up if you have an Infertile post of your own. Or leave a comment to share the love.
