Categories
Babies Pregnancy

Loss. One Year Later.

We are a year out from the day last year that changed our life. January 31st 2012, we learned that our three in-utero babies were to be two future babies. Our baby A, Zach, & our baby C, Lucy. The dream of triplets, our dreams of life with three, died that day when we learned about baby B.

Baby B was our chill inside baby. The one we could count on. Lucy girl went MIA during one of our first ultrasounds & Zach was always moving all over the place. Baby B was always there hanging out between her two siblings.

I would love to have known her personality. Would she be wild like Lucy & all over the place or more content to chill & cuddle Mommy like our Zach? While Zach is Jason’s baby clone & Lucy & I’s baby photos are exchangeable, would baby B have looked like a combination of her parents? I’ll never know the answers to these questions. And that breaks my heart.

Lucy & Zach don’t know life any other way then having each other. Do they remember being inside & having one more sibling close by? I don’t think so. But I like to wish that they somehow feel that they’re watched over by the tiny baby we didn’t get the opportunity to know. One day I think we’ll tell them about baby B. I don’t think we’d want to hide our & their family history.

The last photo we have of all three together with hearts beating away was taken at our 15 week ultrasound appointment. That picture is still on our fridge. It’s started to become buried under daycare artwork which symbolizes that life really has moved on around us.

Life with two has kept us on our toes. Kept the days & weeks flying by. But still. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about baby B. Whether it’s seeing triplets on TV {this last season of Private Practice was hard} or hearing someone remark about my “twins”.

If/when people ask about our life with twins, I answer & I don’t correct them. I’ve told very few people who weren’t there through my pregnancy that L & Z had a sister. I mentioned it to a few of their daycare teachers when they remarked at how hard a twin pregnancy must have been. But that might be it.

I still don’t call Zach & Lucy my twins. I call them my babies. My duo. My two. The babes. Z & L. But not my twins. My husband says he’ll now tell people he has twins. He’s okay going there. I’m not & I’m not sure that I’ll ever be. And I think that’s okay.

Categories
Babies Everything Else

Sick of all the Sickness

I vented some working mom frustration on having sick kiddos on Liberating Working Moms today.

So far in January, between Lucy, Zach, my husband & I, we’ve had bad colds {negative for flu & RSV} along with pink eye, then RSV for both babies & double ear infections for Lucy while my husband had the flu & then a {thankfully only} 24 hour stomach bug.

Out of the 21 working days in January, I’ve worked 12 full days. Twelve y’all. That’s almost less than half.

Join me over on LWM to read the rest of Sick of the Sick.

And as a quick update, we went back to the pediatrican’s office {again} this morning for them to recheck Lucy’s ears. And they were infections free!!!!!

Categories
Babies Pregnancy

Thirty Four Weeks Two Days

Thirty four weeks & two days. That’s how long the babies have been out in this world as of today. That also means they’ve now been out longer than they were inside me.

That seems crazy to me. I cherished my pregnancy; almost all 34w1d of it.

Likewise, I’ve loved these past 34 weeks & 2 days of wildness & joy I couldn’t have fathom before.

As I sit wrangling snuggling sick Zach & Lucy post nursing right now, I’m so grateful for them. For them being my precious inside & outside babies.

I found my last belly photo today on my husband’s twitter account.

One I’d never seen since. 34 w1d pregnant.1358378472653

And compare it to now. 34w2d postpartum Mommy, Zach & Lucy. IMG_20130116_182649

 

Categories
Everything Else

2012 Year in Review

Wow. It’s taken me two weeks to share my favorite posts of 2012. I ended up re-reading most of my posts; taking myself back to that moment & even shedding some {happy & sad} tears. What a year 2012 was for my family. I was trying to limit these to my one-two favorite posts per month. I think I ended up with four {or more!} for each though.

January was almost all happy posts. I shared about being thankful to friends & family, how I was eating for four, my 18 week updategrieving life as I knew it based on ‘triplets’, & a few days of sickness {that ended up timing exactly when the ultrasound tech said baby B stopped forming. I’m still wondering if that’s just a sad coincidence}.

February posts start off hard. I shared the results of our 18 week big ultrasound in two posts: one about the loss of baby B & another about babies A & C. Then my babies showers began later that month. First up was my owl themed friends shower then was my coworker friends shower.

March, we made some decisions.  Then updated them. Family friends in VA threw us a shower. And we ended the month by purchasing a minivan!

April was packed! I had a work shower, revealed the babies’ names, thought I was in labor, made & updated our prebabies to-do list, took a bunch of classes & got ready to cloth diaper.

May was an unforgetable month for our household. We did maternity photos just in the nick of time. I blissfully unaware turned 32 weeks right before pPROM’d the following day. I made it on bedrest to 34 weeks & shared my thoughts on my last pregnant daysZach arrived at 2:59a May 21st & Lucy followed almost 8.5 hours later.

June was busy at home & slow on the blog. I shared my Bell’s Palsey & a look back at our almost two weeks of NICU life. I also talked about breastfeeding the duo.

July I shared how breastfeeding was going, a day in the life with 6 week old preemies, the nicknames for L & Z & my crazy postpartum issues.

August was when I started sharing our favorites of our delivered food in Make Ahead Meals. Jason went back to work & I vented about elusive sleep & hard breastfeeding days.

September meant beginning to get the hang of being a mom & going back to work. The babies took their first trip to Charlotte for B & Kevin’s shower.

October, I began writing for Liberating Working Moms; posting my decision to go back to work & how I make it work for us. I talked about cloth diapering at daycare, our love of Apple Cheeks diapers & my newborn twin must haves. We took the babies to their first pumpkin patch & I shared thoughts on the best diet ever. We celebrated Halloween at daycare.

November started off with a trip to VA & ended the month with Thanksgiving at OIB. Otherwise it was a bit of a confessional month. I shared my definition of family, I talked about pumping at work twice on LWM, I disclosed that we were no longer a pet family, I confessed that I was feeling overwhelmed, & then I updated after their 6 mo appt & starting solids.

December is one of my favorite months. The babies met Santa, we got their first Christmas tree, I turned 31, & I shared our Christmas card. I posted a Working with Style on LWM {that ended up being featured on BlogHer. I did an updated day in our life. Lucy {& then Zach} got hand foot & mouth & Zach {& then Lucy} got their two bottom teeth & then we ended up spending the last days of 2012 sick.

Categories
Babies Family/Travel

Our Typical Day

Over the summer, when the babies were fresh & new & I was living the life of a Walking Dead zombie {oh we love that show!}, I did a post on ‘a day in the life’. I’m so glad I did so that I can remember those crazy days.

I’ve seen others recently posting their schedule with their children. And then this morning, the five of us that share my work’s pumping room were talking about our wake up times. I think it’s so interesting how everyone does it differently & yet it works for them. All these conversations recently have made me think how our schedule has changed & settled down now that we have established a bit of a routine since working & daycare. I thought I’d share a typical weekday. Let’s start at midnight.

Midnight-2ish: All asleep in our own beds.

Somewhere between 230-330: Zach wakes up for night nursing. Bless him for nursing speedily & easily going back to sleep in his crib on his tummy with his faithful wubba close by.

230-430: Lucy might wake up during this time. Or she might continue to sleep. I never really know so I’ve stopped pumping after my Zach feed. If they’re both going to wake up, I like it best when they do it together so I can tandem feed & we can all go back to sleep within a relatively short amount of time.

430-7: Hopefully babies are sleeping & if so, so are we. If they do sleep through those early am wake ups, they’ll awake between 5-630. Sometimes Lucy or Zach won’t go back to sleep alone if they wake up closer to 4 to nurse. That’s when I nudge Jason to take over on the couch with the awake baby so sleeping kiddo & I can keep sleeping. We’ve also pulled awake baby into bed next to me a few times. Although this just leads to no one really getting additional sleep.

7: I’m up & showering & dressing. Make up doesn’t get done anymore {sorry coworkers}.

730: Babies are either waking up or we’re waking them up. I’ve been packing my lunch, making my breakfast & finalizing packing the bottles/diapers for daycare while holding one while Jason grabs whoever was the late sleeper. Typically I’m throwing food down my throat & holding Zach. Jason will dress Lucy, hand her to me to nurse {she eats longer so we start her first}, take Zach & dress him before handing him to me to join Sister on the boobs.

8ish: Burp babies, put on light jackets or blankets & get them into their car seats. Jason takes the diaper bag to his car. I grab my stuff & a baby. He comes back for the other baby & we load them in his car before we all leave at the same time. I head to work {hopefully almost on time} while he drops them off at daycare.

815: I’m supposed to be at work.

830: Babies arrive at daycare.

9-10: Jason’s back home, gets ready & leaves for work by 930 to be at his desk by 10.

1030-11: I’m pumping. The babies have usually gotten or are getting their first bottles by this time.

11-1: Babies taking naps at daycare. Zach is an awesome daycare napper. Lucy is afraid she gonna miss something {I think she’ll be our party girl}, so she takes cat naps.

1ish: Babies are getting second bottles.

245-310: I’m pumping again. Hoping to {& usually} getting around 10 oz each session since I need 24-28 oz for their 6 daycare bottles. Husband goes to lunch around this time.

4ish: Babies getting their third bottle. I like it when last bottle is gotten around 4 but sometimes it’s a little later if they’ve taken good afternoon naps.

5: I leave work & head up to daycare.

520-535: I’ve arrived at daycare. It typically takes me a few minutes to hug on the babies, chat with their teachers, pack up their stuff, load them into their car seats. One of the teachers or directors helps me take the babies to the van.

550-6: Arrive at home. Neighbors are either laughing or admiring the fact that I carry two car seats into the house at once. Then I rush back out to grab my purse, lunch bag, pump bag, diaper bag along with bottle bags & dirty wet bags attached.

6-630: If they’ve fallen asleep in the car & stayed asleep in the house, I’m running around: unloading bottles into dish water, unloading my pumped milk into the fridge, starting cloth diaper laundry. If they’re both awake, we play on the floor. A mix of boppies, tummy time, rolling, toys, rotating sitting in my lap & standing holding my hands.

630-7: Start the night routine. Diapers get changed & I typically tandem nurse them. Now that we’ve started solids, I’ll put them in bumbo seats after they nurse for their rice cereal. They still dislike it immensely, so more ends up on their bibs & outfits than their tummies. Depending on what they did at daycare that day {they get quite crafty} &/or how dirty they got eating, we do baths {typically every other night}. We bathe them separately with the one not being washed playing in the exersaucer.

730: Jason arrives home & jumps in to help. Either helping finish up baths, dressing the clean baby in pjs & night-time diaper, or starting our dinner.

8: I typically end up topping off one or both babies with a little more nursing. Jason usually puts Lucy to sleep in the nursery by rocking her in our big brown chair. Zach tends to hang out with me for a book reading before I put him in his crib.

830-9: Babies are {fingers & toes crossed} asleep. Now the real fun begins.

9: Hopefully we’re eating dinner by now. Usually sometime easy & quick to cook & we eat super fast.

915-11: Jason’s washing that day’s bottles while I’m preparing the next day’s bottles. We’re switching washed diapers into the dryer, folding clothes washed the night before, then folding & stuffing diapers for the next day. We also try to watch at least one TV show during this time so our DVR doesn’t blow up. Oh & I pump {while eating dessert} during the last 30 minutes of the show.

1115-1130: The household is hopefully quiet & we’re all in bed asleep.

The evenings flow a little more smoothly when I have a helper stop by {typically my aunt comes once or twice a week}. It’s fun {but a little crazy} when we have something to do after daycare pick up like our grocery store run Monday night or book club this Wednesday.